oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
