I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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