I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
