Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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