I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
