He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
