the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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