You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
