you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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