I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize