I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You left your phone here
Wait...
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