took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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