im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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