Im at strip club and am horny
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize