we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
