he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
