I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have post one night stand depression
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