i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let's get the cat blown out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
