my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
