the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
