Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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