I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My pussy is not your playground.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
