Can i not drive my cunt home
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
