so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize