the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
