I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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