I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize