Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
