ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
