if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
