dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
