My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
