Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
be right there i have to get my cape
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
