Where did you get a picture of my penis
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
