and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
