Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
high people should be assigned attendants
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
