I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
