Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
