dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
