HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My cat gives me a boner
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
