He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
