There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
