so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
