yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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