i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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