He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
