Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
