dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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