just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
