Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
