If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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