Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
