At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize