I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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