The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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