i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
