Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
