omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
