She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
