from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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