2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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