I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
