Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
