i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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