He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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