you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
