im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
