I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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