Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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