Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
