You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
