I need to stop coming to work sober
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
