It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
