spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize