Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
