I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
