for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
