Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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