it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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