They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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